if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
