If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
