it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
