I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
