I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
