I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
