So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sobbing to NWA
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
