If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
