I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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