How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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