I think I am morally bankrupt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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