Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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