how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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