They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
