White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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