Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
