she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
