doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
