her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
