Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
