dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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