he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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