We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
