we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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