He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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