I have demons in me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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