So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
