Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i came on her dog
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
