Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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