Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
