So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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