When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
