So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
