and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
