She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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