Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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