Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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