May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
