1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
