I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dignity is for republicans.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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