I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
