we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
