We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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