weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
