Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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