I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
