Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
