Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
