you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize