That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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