We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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