tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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