idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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