can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
