Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
