at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
