Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I touched a dick in church today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
