Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
