I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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