I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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