Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
